Self-Realization Amidst COVID-19
When one goes deeper and longer into his/her photographic journey, it is inevitable that he/she will be in the same situation as I am - in a rut and have no motivation at all. Lifting the camera seems too heavy. Taking an image seems daunting. The saturation of eye-candy works online makes it unbearable. I’ve been in this stage for about three years now. I tried to solve it by what the photography world call G.A.S. or gear acquisition syndrome. And it worked like a charm - for a very very short period of time.
As I wandered in this distasteful phase of my journey, I forced myself to keep on taking pictures, emulate the work of others, and try different genres expecting things will turn around for the better as the saying “hard work betrays none.” However, it backfired. I didn’t like how the images turned out — copying styles and genres of other people felt demoralizing. From being in a rut it became an identity crisis. There is this saying that a photographer should only focus on one genre and master it - and this, I guess, is the root of my dissatisfaction and demotivation. I used to believe that in my journey, I will somehow discover that one genre. But where’s the fun in that?
One thing I’m thankful for the COVID-19 pandemic is that I’ve been able to reconnect with old acquaintances. A few weeks back I was able to chat with one of my mentors and I shard with him what I was going through. In the middle of our conversation, I remembered what he told me before.
“When you are lost, always go back to your roots.”
When I first heard this line some 8 or 9 years ago, I didn’t care what it meant. But it surely is relevant now. So I dug up my roots— looked at the photos I took way back, reflected on why I fell in love with photography, and where I want to go moving forward.
So if you’re in the same situation as I am, it is perfectly fine to sit idle and do nothing at all. When we force things to happen, it tends to hit us back harder. Admit that you’re not okay, then slowly pick yourself up. Seek the help of people who are accountable to you. Take baby steps and start all over again. But this time, for the right reasons.
Thanks for reading. Stay safe and healthy.